Title: Diary of Mother Clelia Merloni
Sub Title: A Woman of Forgiveness
Author: Clelia Merloni e Nicola Gori
Publisher: ‎Effatà Editrice
Date of publication: 2018

I would like to introduce the Diary with Mother Clelia’s own words. They describe her daily offering and reveal the desire of her heart as a consecrated woman, spouse, and mother.

I, Sr. Clelia Merloni, promise Our Lord Jesus Christ to offer myself every morning in union with His Holy Wounds, to the Divine Father for the salvation of the entire world, and for the good and for the expansion of my Congregation. I will adore Him in the hearts of all those who receive Him in the Most Holy Eucharist. I will thank Him for deigning to enter into so many hearts that are so ill-prepared to receive Him

Throughout the entire Diary we can perceive her concern for the salvation of sinners and for the good of the Institute she founded. She offered the Lord every kind of suffering and pain – physical, moral, and spiritual – for the intentions she carried in her heart.

As Nicola Gori wrote, the life of Mother Clelia was very troubled, a constant human and spiritual struggle to overcome the deep feelings which would have dragged her along those paths that are most comfortable for human nature. She never gave in, however, and she courageously chose to follow the narrow way, “armed” by prayer and “clad” in humility. The strength of this woman is truly admirable!

To conquer oneself is the rule of the saints! This is the path that God has also marked out for me, the narrow way, love of humiliation and crosses, a spirit of generosity, sacrifice, death to all that is not God and that doesn’t lead my soul directly to Him.

With limitless courage she chose to follow Christ, walking the way of humility, aware that by selecting this way she was choosing humiliations, annihilation, persecution, and all types of misunderstandings. She knew that this path was trod by the Son of Man long before her, when He found no suitable place to be born in Bethlehem and so He was placed in a manger; when He was exiled to Egypt to flee from the persecutions of King Herod; when He was misunderstood by the Scribes and Pharisees; when He was betrayed and sold by a friend and crucified solely because He loved us until the end.

Love summons love and Clelia chose the same road for herself. She wanted with all the generosity of her soul to walk in the footprints of the Lord.

You, O Jesus, walk before me; don’t ever let me refuse to walk in the footprints that You, O Jesus, have left for me.

She understood that humility is like a garment that the soul must wear to please Jesus and overcome the temptations and seductions of the Evil One. She wanted to present herself to her Spouse in a beautiful, resplendent and spotless dress, and washed in the “blood of the Lamb” which removes the soil of sin and of all human presumption. She endeavored to attain this goal her entire life, fighting against the invisible enemy with all her being.

Clelia had a strong personality; she was strong-willed, tenacious and firm, but at the same time affectionate, tender, docile, and capable of committing her entire being to a great cause, even at the cost of great sacrifice. Opposing tendencies were perfectly integrated in her. She knew the limits of her nature but did not fear to climb the highest peaks to find the Beloved of her life. She knew that she was never alone, that He journeyed with her, and that it was He who prepared her knapsack for the journey and the dowry for their “wedding”:

Jesus wants me to wear a new dress, which His love has prepared for me. He will prepare my dowry, I only have to accept it from His most holy Hands. When He wants to come and stay with my poor soul, it will have to be dressed in that humility which God wants of me. This is the meaning of how I am to dress: Everything in me has to be motivated by the spirit of humility.

In her “knapsack” for the trip, she knew she had to bring the “equipment” she needed to travel the road of asceticism, which would prepare her to encounter the Spouse she longed for: faith, prayer, the Eucharist, the rosary, self-denial, total surrender to Providence and to the will of God.

Today I had the inspiration to keep my eyes fixed on God, because the more closely a soul is called to follow Him, that much more it must mortify itself. Perfect self-emptying is the most necessary requirement in offering oneself to God. You leave behind and never take back something that you strip away; you must give up bad habits, just as you give up worn out clothing and never use it again.

Mother Clelia was aware that handing over her life for the conversion and salvation of sinners would cost her dearly. She would have to fight against the “visible and invisible forces” she names in her Diary. She also knew that, besides having to contend with her own human nature, she would have to face combat with the enemy of Christ’s Cross, who does not want souls to be saved.

Let the winds of temptation rage, let all my visible and invisible enemies emerge, but I will never again fear anything, clinging closely to You on the Cross.

Mother Clelia sensed the persecution of the devil, who wanted to prevent her from putting on the dress of humility that would prepare her for the encounter with her Spouse.

She maintained great love for the Cross of Christ and expressed her great desire to become one with Him on the Cross. She used nuptial language with the Crucified: “stretching herself on the Cross with Him.” She wanted to be united with the Lord in His greatest suffering, not leaving Him alone hanging between heaven and earth. She wanted to share in His destiny and drink with Him from the same bitter chalice of contradictions and total abandonment by the persons most dear to her.

She often used soliloquy in her meditation, advising herself as if she were speaking to another person, perhaps as a means of hearing herself speak of what she has lived in profound solitude. She dialogued with Jesus in prayer and always maintained deep union with Him, even in moments of desert-like aridity. If her heart and senses were unable to feel the presence of the Lord, her mind enlightened by faith told her that He was always present. How many times she had to sacrifice her own human reasoning to leave room for faith.

The editor, Nicola Gori, defined her as a “woman of forgiveness”. I believe that this definition encompasses the life style of a woman who, as “disciple and Apostle” learned at the “school” of the Heart of Christ, the only true Teacher, to forgive always.

Jesus whispers to my soul that works are the language of the heart; that from the fruits and not from the leaves do you know the goodness of a plant. He not only wants me to forgive from the heart all the wrongs received from my offenders, but to seek to do them as much good as possible, to be sure to pray much for them, to compassionate with them and to excuse them, desiring that they too take part in His heavenly glory.

Mother Clelia wanted to go to Jesus in complete freedom. At nearly the end of her Diary she wrote about holy indifference, a concept used in Ignatian spirituality:

At the cost of any sacrifice whatever, I want to reach holy indifference. I want to belong to God without restriction or division. The Providence of God demands this indifference of me. Since God is infinite wisdom and knowledge He knows the means that will lead me with total certitude to the attainment of my final goal. Holy indifference will free me from all agitation, anxiety and worry, which arise from my excessive attachment to created things. It will banish from my heart all the passions with which it always struggles. It is this holy indifference which will calm to my soul; it will be like a foretaste of happiness for me.

Mother Clelia preceded St. Faustina Kowalska (1905-1937) in reflecting on mercy:

For as much as the soul is filled with misery, it should never have fear of God, since He is always ready to be merciful to her, and the greatest pleasure that Jesus can derive is that of being able to lead to His Eternal Father the greatest possible number of sinners. Reformed sinners are the glory and jewels of Jesus.

I thank the author, Nicola Gori, for his very beautiful spiritual interpretation of the Diary of our Blessed Mother Clelia Merloni. She was truly “tried by fire” in accord with evangelical logic. Her life witnesses that it is the Lord who will have the last word when we place our trust in Him!

Mother Miriam Cunha Sobrinha

Superior General